oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
