physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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