i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
