I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
