She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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