I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
