I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
