thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
