She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize