If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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