So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
