she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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