meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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