Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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