people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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