It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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