Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
