Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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