I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
