i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
