I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
