RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
