Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
