Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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