a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
