Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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