I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
