My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
