just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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