That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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