Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
