i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
