You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize