I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
4 words: hood of his car
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
