someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
