I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
