Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
