last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
