I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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