Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
