Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
