it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
