someone threw a dead crab at me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
