doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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