So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
