I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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