and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
