I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
