I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
