we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Too much gin, very little bucket
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
