well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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