Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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