My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
