have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
