You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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