It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
