Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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