I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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