Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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