when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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