I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
