I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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