Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
