I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
