is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
