I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She bit a glass in half.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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