im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
