on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
