I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
