I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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