I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
