no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
