By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
