There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
