ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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