I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
