Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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